34 Weeks: DIY Prenatal Care (AKA Unassisted Pregnancy)

First, the update. Flynn and I are both healthy. He's super squirmy and really strong. I'm having a totally typically 3rd trimester. That means I'm very fatigued, get crazy edema if I don't keep my feet up, and will actually break down in tears if I don't have taco bell multiple times per week. Of course taco bell gives me indigestion so bad I end up in tears anyway.... But as far as pregnancy symptoms go, that's all pretty mild.

So the topic of this entry is unassisted pregnancy. That means monitoring your own health, instead of paying a doctor to do it for you. It doesn't mean refusing to ask for help when you need it. It just means not asking for help when you don't need it. I have a history of first trimester miscarriages. Whether I need it or not, I feel more comfortable with a lot of monitoring and testing in the first trimester. This is very hard to accomplish on my own. So, I saw my family doctor. Then, we moved. My husband changed jobs and I was no longer insured. Obamacare actually makes it more expensive to see a doctor if I'm insured, than if I pay out of pocket. And since my husband has decent full time work, we don't qualify for medicaid. We had just planned to pay out of pocket for my checkups. The last half of my pregnancies tend to be pretty boring. Weight, fundal height, urine test...."everything looks good. See you in a few weeks." Rinse. Repeat. Out of pocket costs don't even equal our portion of an insurance premium unless I have 4-5 visits in a month.

Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a pay as you go option for prenatal care. Even the low cost community clinic refused to see me for a single check up, unless I signed a contract and paid thousands of dollars up front. In this area, it's $2000-$7000 up front. That just covers the check ups. If I need any kind of treatment or testing, or choose to go into the hospital to birth, that's all extra. $400+ per check up (because the cheaper place will induce at 38 weeks, which you agree to in the contract)?????? That's just ridiculous. I don't need to pay an expert to tell me how much I weigh, or read a test strip for me. I'll just do it myself and save my money for things I can't actually do myself.

There are lots of ways to go about an unassisted pregnancy. They range from just trusting that if everything seems good, it is...to anal retentive monitoring and record keeping. Being a medical profession and prone to doting, Jason is always wanting to check my blood pressure or something anyway (even when I was having regular care) so I figured it would be better to just do the charting. The amount of different sources I had to reference to find out what to chart, and what is normal in each of those areas...that's why I wrote this entry. There's no reason for this stuff to be some kind of big secret.

Our family is having weekly prenatal checks. This is mainly because Jason and the kids really enjoy being involved in the pregnancy in this way. Everything monitored at a standard prenatal visit is literally so easy a child can do it. So, this has not only been a great bonding experience, but empowering for everyone involved. That's not to say doctors are useless, though. They are invaluable when it comes to deciding what to do when things go wrong. If I start seeing signs of gestational diabetes or something is just testing way off, I'll be making a b-line for urgent care or the ER!

Back to the cost thing, we bought everything we need to monitor everything an OB would, and more, for $80 on amazon. If I didn't spend so much time finding just the right deal, I still could have found everything for $150.

As you can see in my pic, we are just using a plain old notebook for charting. At the top of each page, I wrote my name, birth date, and due date. This is to make things easier for the medical staff, if I end up needing to be seen for something.

Then, I added sections for each of the following;

Date -

Weeks Gestation -

Weight - We bought a new scale for this. I was having doubts about the accuracy of the old one.

Fundal Height - We bought a new tape measure for this. I couldn't figure out where we put any of the flexible ones. Fundal height is easy. The bottom can be felt just above the pubic bone. The top, below the belly button at 20 weeks. It rises an average of 1cm each week until birth. Average isn't specific though. Don't get all hung up on that number, like OBs seem to nowadays. Normal and healthy is a range of up to 3cm more or less than gestational age. So, at 30 weeks a normal fundal height is anywhere from 27-33 cm. That's what doctors are talking about when they tell you how many weeks you're measuring.

Presentation - This is what position the baby is in. If you know the clinical terms, great. If not, layman's terms are fine too. I haven't entered mine yet because Jason wants to use the clinical terms so he can learn them, but hasn't looked them up yet. :) Head down, facing rear, is good enough though. Head up, feet down, facing left. Head right, feet left, facing up. These are all examples of what I might have written.

Fetal Heart Rate - We bought a stethoscope for this. I dare to say that someone less practiced with a stethoscope than Jason might have to use something more powerful, like a home doplar. This can be a hard vital for us to get. Even when we find the heartbeat easily, Flynn likes to change position while we're counting beats. The range for a healthy heart rate changes throughout the pregnancy. It starts faster, and slows a bit as the baby develops. By the third trimester, about 110 - 160 beats per minute is considered a healthy range. Of course, drastic changes in habits are often more telling than pure data. Flynn's heart rate is around 150-160. If it suddenly dropped to 110, I'd start monitoring. If it stayed there for several hours, or there were other abnormalities, I'd probably go into urgent care to make sure everything was OK.

Fetal Movement - This is a place to generally describe what the baby's movements have been like. Mostly this just helps you recognize his personal patterns and know what's normal for him. When Flynn was reacting to the pain from my abscessed tooth a couple months ago, his movement became "frantic" because he was in mild distress. His heart rate was also high, and I spent the night in the hospital getting him calmed down.

Edema - This is the swelling, bloating, or water retention that is so common in pregnancy. I find that I'm so used to it that I actually underestimate the severity. So, it's helpful to have someone else poke at my wrists, ankles, and knees, and give their opinion of how bad it is. I'd still be writing "mild" but my family assures me I am firmly into the "moderate" category, at my best.

Blood Pressure - We bought a basic blood pressure cuff for this. We use the stethoscope to hear my heart beat. Alternatives are to buy a digital cuff that does it all for you, or just use the free machine at your local pharmacy. Normal range is still just as high as ever, but up to 20 lower than when you're not pregnant. Below 90/60 in either area is considered hypotension (aka low enough to cause problems). Above 140/90 in either area is considered hypertension (aka high enough to cause problems).  Blood pressure can do crazy things during pregnancy though, so I try not to get caught up in the numbers unless they're WAY off, or stay outside normal ranges for more than a couple weeks.

Preterm Labor Signs - This is a descriptive area. A place to note anything that could be a sign of preterm labor, even if I'm sure it's not. It helps identify patterns that can either reassure me that everything is fine, or realize something is amiss.

THE URINE TEST
We could have picked up the same tests the OBs use. Glucose, protein, and maybe ketone. Those are about as complicated to read as a pregnancy test. We opted for something slightly more complicated. We spent the extra $0.02 per strip and picked up the ten test strips. Ten tests on each strip, and each has to be read a specific number of seconds after dipping. We often use a second or third strip to confirm our results, and the kids don't get to be as involved. 100 strips for $12 means we can be pretty wasteful and probably still have strips left after the birth.

I did look up healthy ranges for everything on the urine test strips. That is just too much info for one entry, though. So, the short version is that glucose, or high levels of protein or ketone is bad. If I see those for more than a couple weeks, I'll be going into urgent care for further testing. The other stuff is mainly just extra info, unless I start getting really crazy results.

Then, at the bottom of the page, I list anything else of note. Allergies are acting up, or short of breath lately, or maybe breasts are starting to lactate.

And that's that. Prenatal chart info, all in one place. If I notice something missing or in need of updating, I'll make edits. ;)

31 Weeks, and a 16th birthday

Yesterday was a big day. I hit 31 weeks, but Liam hit 16 years. He didn't want to do anything huge this year. So, we just had a really nice, mellow day.

He started his day at seminary. He has a really amazing and inspired teacher, and a class of kids he really gets along with well. So, that's always a good start to the day. He walks the other kids to school. Then, comes home. He did some chores, studied the birthing course homework a little, and almost finished unpacking his room. A birthday card and gift came via email.

In the early evening, his grandparents arrived. They timed their road trip with a stop over for his birthday. We took him to dinner. He chose Texas Roadhouse. The meal was yummy, and the staff made a fuss over him. It was a great time. Then, home for cake and a movie.

We are still missing some kitchen essentials in an unpacked box. We decided to order the cake. We found a very nice local bakery, and Liam picked out the flavor weeks ago. We asked them to put the frosting on the side, though, so Cora could decorate it. She had a blast with that and it looked great. It was a very tasty pumpkin spice with chocolate chips.

Liam's on a Robin Williams kick lately. So we bought a couple of his movies we didn't already have. Liam chose to watch License to Wed. His grandparents went to bed early, but a friend from seminary joined us.

All in all, it was a really positive, low key day. Exactly what he was hoping for. =D

13 weeks

I had an excellent doctor appointment. Let's see if I can remember everything! Lol

- All the previous testing came back inconclusive or negative. That means all my weirdness was almost certainly just a mix of PCOS and pregnancy. I gave blood for the standard run of pregnancy testing.

- We brought the kids with. They heard the heart beat. He had trouble finding it with the doplar. So, they even saw the baby wiggling around a bit on the very low end ultrasound they have at the clinic. It's far too low end to see gender. That will wait for the real ultrasound.

- Even though there isn't a real medical need for another ultrasound, I'll be scheduled for one around 20 weeks. Dr feels it can't hurt to have the extra info (though I got the feeling he might not have suggested it if I hadn't brought it up), and we're anxious to find out who's room needs remodeling before I hit my inevitably third trimester uselessness.

- I love love love my Dr. I can talk openly to him about things that would normally get me kicked from practice just for mentioning. Best example ever:  He's totally comfortable with the idea of my having an unassisted home birth. The fact of the matter is that I'm giving birth wherever my water breaks. If I'm at home, I'd give birth in the car if we tried to get me into town. If I'm in town, the kid will still probably be half out by the time I get to the ER. The thing I love though is how he was totally comfortable with it all. I told him flat out that if there were no major red flags, I was more comfortable with an unassisted home birth than a hospital birth...and that baby and I would come in for a post natal visit "when I felt up to it". He didn't get antsy. He didn't try to control whether that meant hours or days. He just said that it was a good idea to be prepared for any circumstance (as an agreement, not warning) and " sounds good " when I gave him a run down of what the basic game plan was on my end. He even thought it was really cool that I was going to have the kids read doula/midwife reference books so they were prepared to help out or even for the chance I go into hard labor while Jason is at work.

- Also, he laughed and told me it was "perfectly reasonable" when I told him he could have all the blood and urine he wanted, but I wouldn't be drinking glucose or having anyone poking around at my cervix while I was pregnant without a damned good reason. I'm fully aware that there are far safer and gentler ways to carefully monitor a pregnancy than the standard methods...assuming you are inclined to carefully monitor. It's nice to finally meet a doctor that does too! Lol. He doesn't seem inclined towards carefully monitoring unless there is an unusual risk factor though.

- I'm taking the maximum dose of my raw foods probiotic instead of a normal prenatal. At the maximum dose, it meets the minimums suggested for pregnancy... Plus I'm not suffering from constipation even at 13weeks. That alone is all the endorsement it needs! :D

- Normally, I would be having monthly appointments right now but we're a little behind schedule so my next appointment is in just a couple weeks. Friday, June 6th. I'll update again for sure after that appointment. Maybe in between. I was going to update before today but cell service has been really choppy out here the last week or so.

Cora's Dreads: Week 2

Sorry this was so late. The pics were taken on Sunday. I just haven't had a chance to sit down and type much this week!

We had a grand adventure over the weekend, and stopped to take these on our way home. As you can see, her hair is quite frazzled and knotted. It's still just threatening to turn into dreads though. Every time it seems like one is forming, we find it separated into multiple curls the next day.

Cora's Dreads: Week 1

It's been one week. Cora's excitement is palpable. Her hair is a wild mess. Each day when she wakes up, she examines it. There are always twists or clumps that seem like maybe they are going to form ropes. They change from day to day, though. It's only been a week, after all. She's mostly left it alone to grow how it will, but it seems inclined to form a big ball of knots at the base of her neck. She has me separate that a bit each morning so she won't end up with a giant ball or four inch thick dread or something in the long run.

When you wash your hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar, your scalp's oil production balances out. Over time, you find that it takes longer and longer for your hair to really need to be washed. Cora could probably get away with washing her hair about twice per week right now, but she is still washing it almost every day. Every time she washes her hair, the knots tighten up. Clean hair forms dreads faster, and this is proving to be a great motivator. She hasn't whined or complained about having to bath or wash her hair once all week!

We do have a little concern about acquaintances freaking out over her hair. People tend to get very stuck on the idea that hair brushing is directly connected to bathing and having your basic needs met. Also, everyone we've mentioned dreads to immediately makes comments about not bathing. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to explain the idea that clean hair forms dreads better and dirty oily hair just gets stringy. Stringy hair doesn't knot up well. The hair just slips out of the knots. Cora wears her hair down around the house, but we've bought her a selection of bandannas to wear when she's out and about. The local thrift shop has a wide selection of colors and patterns. She had a grand time picking them specifically to color coordinate with her outfits.

How Zoey Joined Our Family

Our oldest pet is Zoey. We estimate she was born around the first of October, 1999. That makes her about thirteen and a half years old. She's kind of a cranky old bat a lot of the time, but you'd never guess she was over five by looking at her. She moves well for her age. She still gets on the counters at night when we're sleeping. She still runs around the house like a total nut, chasing imaginary prey, at least a few times per week. She has some trouble with arthritis, though, and won't go outside in the winter. That's not such a bad thing, because she still brings us "presents" when she goes out. Just this last fall, she brought us a quail!

We've had Zoey since she was about 4 - 5 weeks old. We have no idea who her mother was, or where she came from. The day we brought her home was a day of random chance...or fate. Saturday morning, while we were driving to the local harvest festival, we started discussing maybe getting a kitten. The harvest festival had less to offer the parents of a one year old than we had expected. They really should have called it a brew fest. We didn't stay long, and had no other plans. So, we decided to swing by the local animal shelter and ask for some information.

The gentleman on duty at the shelter that day was very unpleasant. He insisted that it was irresponsible of us to take a pet into a house with a young child and told us that our pet would just end up back at the shelter anyway so we should save our money and not bother. As he was shooing us out the door, another family was on their way in. It was a mom with two little girls, about ages five and seven. The mom was holding a tiny grey kitten. We asked if we could pet the kitten while she talked to the shelter employee. Apparently, this kitten had shown up on her doorstep the previous night. They had no idea who the mom was or where it had come from. It was all alone. They took the kitten in and brought her to the shelter for care as soon as they had a chance.

The shelter employee's mood lightened. He said he'd be happy to take the kitten. Usually they charged people for dropping off an animal, but if she'd just hand the little thing over he would gladly waive the fee. The mom was relieved and thanked him and said she was happy it would be taken care of and go to a good home. The shelter employee explained that was not the case. With growing excitement, he told her that a kitten this young couldn't possibly survive without it's mother and he would have to put the kitten to sleep. He promised that he'd do the procedure himself that very day, though.

The mom was upset. Her children were upset. I was disgusted. +Liam Shepherd was oblivious. He reached out to "pet" the kitten. At that age, he petted by grabbing a handful of fur and yanking. It always resulted in yowls, and often in being scratched or bitten. This kitten, though, just purred. Something in me clicked. I told the mom that since she hadn't signed any papers yet, the kitten was still hers to do with as she pleased. I offered to take the kitten, promising to take it straight to our vet for a professional opinion. If it did need to be put down, we would have it done, but if it could be saved we would take care of it. The shelter employee tried to convince us that the kitten belonged to the shelter as soon as she entered the building. He started yelling at me! The mom agreed to give us the kitten. Her girls told us that they had named the kitten Zoey, and the mom told them that it was our kitten now so we got to pick it's name. I leaned over and told the girls "If her name is Zoey, who am I to change it?" No one was actually sure if the kitten was male or female yet, but I intended to leave her name if she was a girl.

We had another cat in our home at that time, and a wonderful vet only a block from our apartment. I took her into the vet. They were technically closed and cleaning up for the day, but cooed over Zoey. When we told them the story, the staff was so touched that they examined her for free. She was perfectly healthy. The vet sent us home with supplies, instructions, and all the kitten formula we would need -also for free. He said it was thanks for saving Zoey from a shelter that apparently had a pretty nasty reputation. We had to bottle feed her around the clock those first weeks. Liam helped, and took great pride in caring for her when he was little They've always had a deep bond. Thirteen and a half years later, she's strong and healthy, and a happy, loving member of the family.

Liam + Freshman Psychology = A

+Liam Shepherd's scores from his first completed course are in. His overall grade in Psychology is 94%. American School uses a tough grading scale. An A is 93% or more. It was a little touchy, but Liam performs well under pressure and a perfect score on his final exam brought him back up to a solid A.

Just for fun, I thought I'd share a picture of the teenager in his natural habitat. Believe it or not, his room was "white glove" clean (really. we lift things and check for dust!) on Saturday. He cleans it EVERY Saturday, and it looks like this again by the end of the day on Monday.

Cora's Dreads: Before

So, after much discussion and research and hemming and hawing, Cora has decided she wants to grow dreadlocks. Initially, she wanted small, thin ones that she can easily style into creative designs. After researching, though, she's decided to let them form naturally and just see what she thinks of the thickness her hair is inclined to gather in. If they grow in thick and she doesn't like the look of them, she can always separate them into smaller strands before they become too well established.

+Jason Shepherd has been making her brush her hair about every ten minutes. He says he's using up his ability to tell her to brush her hair as much as he can before it runs out. As of this afternoon, she won't be brushing anymore. If you know Cora, you know that the only time her hair looks like it's been brushed within 24 hours is when it's styled up - and has a hat over it! She had literally JUST brushed her hair for the 5th time this morning when I took these pictures. I think her hair is going to form dreads quickly and with little to no effort at all. lol

I intend to post weekly updates about her progress. In these updates, I'll explain some of the finer points of dreads in more detail, for those readers that aren't familiar with them.

FREE book from John Holt

The kindle edition of Escape From Childhood: The Needs and Rights of Children is being offered for free on Amazon.com. I'd jump on it, if I were you. These things usually only last 24 - 48 hours, and I don't know how long it's already been going.

You don't need a kindle to read the book. There are plenty of free programs that will allow you to read it on your computer, or convert it for reading on another device, or even for printing.

John Holt is often referred to as the Father of the Unschooling Movement. He's certainly one of it's most influential figures. His work is fascinating and enlightening for anyone with an interest in education, from unschoolers to school teachers. In fact, he started out as a elementary school teacher, himself. His observations and experiences within the classroom and the outside world are what sparked his controversial educational and youth rights theories. I highly recommend that anyone in a position of authority or influence over any child should read some of John Holt's writing on the raising and education of children.

Project Day - Cat Genie

It started off like any normal Tuesday. +Liam Shepherd alternated between eating, attended classes, and reporting on his every thought and action while not in our presence...and eating....and sometimes telling us about things we were there for...and eating. It was a generally positive and productive day. Cora is whipping through her new courses and had an exam to mail off. That puts her 1/6 of the way through a full year of Freshman Psychology in 2 days.

Mail drops off at our house, but we have to take things to the post office to send them. Liam joined Cora for the walk, while I enjoyed the rarity of a completely empty house for a bit. And that was when the excitement began! That was when the packages arrived. A late Christmas present. Something we've been wanting and talking about getting for as long as it's existed, but could never bring ourselves to splurge on. A Cat Genie.

If you're not familiar with a Cat Genie, let me explain. It's the most ridiculously expensive and indulgent litter box ever invented. It looks like a giant toilet for cats. I say giant because it's bigger than a toilet for people. It plugs into the wall, and taps into the water, and has a drainage tube that dumps liquidized waste into the toilet. If the data I've read is accurate, after the initial insanely expensive purchase, it shouldn't actually cost us any more than the litter we already buy. In fact, we spend a little more than most so we can have super environmentally friendly litter, and I think this thing will end up reducing our budget a bit. It takes a special kind of litter that it washes clean after each use, with a special kind of cleaner. It's pretty darned environmentally conscious for a litter box, is self scooping, self cleaning, and it even disposes of the waste for you. We can barely fit the damn thing in our tiny bathroom, and I don't think we'll even be able to attach to cool privacy dome accessory it came with. It possibly the most indulgent thing I've ever suggested. Our cats have no idea how good they have it.

There was jumping and screaming and roaring with excitement when the kids arrived home. I let them set it up as much as they could by themselves. They're always chomping at the bit for a new project. They're waiting until +Jason Shepherd is home from work to deal with the water and power issues, though. He wants to work on it, too, and the kids aren't 100% confident they can set it up without flooding the bathroom....again.

Let the Race Begin

Cora's first semester of books arrived this weekend. Let the sibling rivalry commence. She's decided that her goal is to graduate before +Liam Shepherd. It's not really important to her, but it gives her something to focus on. We're working on finding some less competitive inspiration for her. Liam's only real goal is not to let his little sister graduate before him. It's a very important goal to him and he's very motivated to accomplish it. 

Unfortunately, Liam is at a temporary disadvantage. The school had an administrative error and his courses are getting shipped out one at a time. He's been enrolled for almost two months and has only received one course. He finished it with ease, and is sitting around waiting for more. One course should arrive today or tomorrow, and another one sometime next week. Theoretically, a third should be shipped today or tomorrow - but I'm planning to email them Thursday to be sure. 

We're working out the lumps and figuring out the process. In a couple months, they will both have plenty of books and be working at whatever paces they find comfortable. For now, it's a frenzied and frustrating race for the lead, though. 

How did you become the parent you are?

I don't think my big sister realizes just how significant an influence she's had on who I am and who +Liam Shepherd  and Cora are. If it weren't for her, we would have ended up much more mainstream and socially acceptable. We certainly wouldn't have been capable of the kind of love and respect that has driven us to become so unusual.

There are many examples, small and large, of ways she's supported and encouraged us once we were already traveling our paths. The secret, though, is that she put us onto this path in the first place. It was the smallest of things. She gave me some art for the wall at Liam's baby shower. A poem about raising children.

Those first few years were very hard for me. It seemed like anything that could go wrong, did. On top of which, I didn't exactly have a sitcom perfect childhood to use as a template for how to parent. I actually went to sitcoms for specific strategies. When it came to my day to day ideals about how to live and how to treat my children, though, I went back to this poem. Over and over. Sometimes several times per day. I took it literally. I took it figuratively. It was my sacred text. It was the guiding principal behind most of my choices those first few years.

Those choices formed the foundation for my ideals as a parent. They taught me to value the attitudes and beliefs that I eventually found mirrored in the members of the LDS church. They are the basis for the values and beliefs I've taught my children. As such, they're the seed their personalities have been built upon.

Over the years, I've added to my library of resources and references to aid me in being the kind of parent I want to be....and in raising the kind of people I hope to raise. This poem will always hold a place of honor in our household, though. It was the beginning of everything for our family.

Went Off Without a Hitch

That's the theme of the day. The fuel company did, in fact, fill our tank last night. They got to us before the house even cooled down too much! We all slept comfy and toasty on our beds and went about our day today. This morning was pretty average, but this afternoon had a few twists.

First off, Cora had her 4-H Knitting and Crocheting Club meeting this afternoon. The location was changed at the last minute, to an mile or so away. We only have one car, and +Jason Shepherd  didn't get off work until half an hour into the meeting. Last meeting, a new assistant was so enthusiastic about "helping" Cora (in spite of my constantly asking her to back off) that I had to take her home early, in tears. She loves the kids and regular leader, but absolutely cannot attend alone until she's figured out how to manage this assistant. I was planning to walk her down and sit with her, but I'm going through a particularly inconvenient phase of healing from my most recent miscarriage. I'm frankly not up to the longer walk, and I would have caused a scene by the time I got there.

So, +Liam Shepherd walked her. There was a little confusion finding the place, but after a quick call home to double check their directions, they arrived right on time. He sat with her until Jason was free. Then Jason took over and Liam came home. By then, his friends were done with school and he was managing a text storm. It wasn't long before he had a buddy over to check out his new Star Wars Kinnect game. His buddy left about the time Jason and Cora came home. There was no sign of the assistant this week, so class was a smashing success.

Today, all the obstacles turned out to be smaller than they appeared in the mirror. Everything went off without a hitch. I'm looking forward to whatever culinary masterpiece Jason has commandeered the kitchen to create, and a few episodes of Star Trek: Voyager with the family, before bed.

Overachieve Much?

The day has finally come for Cora to take the first step in achieving her dreams...of becoming a world class overachiever. First, I'm going to give you a little background on me - to explain her ambition and inspiration. Then, I'm going to give you a little background on her - her goals, her motivation, and the expectations that have been laid on her.

So, I was a chronic underachiever as a kid. I went to public school and they had no idea what to do with me. I had an absurdly high IQ, and was very eager to please. When it came to homework, though, I ranged from so distracted that it was never finished - to outright refusing to do the work because I could not comprehend the purpose. I rarely earned less than a perfect score on my tests, but since homework was 50% of the grade, I still flunked. The school kept promoting me to higher grades in the hopes I would take interest in the more advanced work, but it was never advanced enough to hold my attention. When I was 15, the school district basically forged some records, gave me a test, and handed me a diploma to get rid of me. It was a much longer and drawn out process, of course, and Cora has heard many of the funny or weird stories that it's made up of.

She's also aware that I'm not an anomaly  +Jason Shepherd  had a rough road in high school but it also resulted in an early graduation. One of my childhood friends, and one of my earliest crushes, was the youngest person to graduate college at the time. I believe his record has since been broken, but when Cora heard about him she became fascinated with the idea. She had once told me she wanted to have her college degree by the time she was 12.

Here is where my controversial parenting methods move to center stage though. Cora had the intellect to pull that off. She was reading med school anatomy books for fun at 4-5 yrs old. By 9yrs old, her favorite author was Shakespeare. My friend had talked to me about his experiences, though, and I'd later become friends with some of his old classmates that gave me an outside perspective, too. I don't think such early college attendance has to be bad for every child that's capable, but it certainly was for him. As much as he felt his issues were a matter of not fitting in because of his age, it has always seemed to me that it was a matter of being forced into an environment he wasn't ready for socially or emotionally. In order to succeed at the level he did, his father had to push him at downright unfatherly levels. It would be the same for Cora, and I wasn't willing to do that to her or our relationship.

Instead I told her that I would support her goals, whatever they were. Heck, I even put her in swim lessons when she was 2 and wanted to be a boat when she grew up! I would not be pushing her, though. If she wanted this, it had to be by her own efforts, not by mine. I won't make her be what I want her to be, or what she says she wants to be. Who she becomes should be determined by her choices, not mine. Until 2011, she never put more than a passing interest into studying and academics, which was fine by me. I didn't remind her of her desire, or push her to work harder. She did become motivated though, and has been putting more and more time and attention into academic studies. Jason and I both think she is developing the motivation to work toward and succeed at her goal of early graduation and college with support, but not pressure, from us. An accredited diploma will make that monumentally easier, and she has asked us to enroll her in American School of Correspondence. It's self paced so if she isn't really ready for it after all, she has 6 years to finish. If she's particularly motivated, she can finish as fast as she likes though. Jason and I signed her up last night, and I expect she'll work through at least the first year or two of courses at an extremely accelerated pace. I have no idea how long she'll keep it up, though, or if she'll be ready to handle more than a single class at a time when she starts college. Only time shall tell.

A Day in the Life

Yesterday was a pretty average, normal Friday for us. I've always found these kind of posts very interesting, so I thought I'd share.

5:00am +Jason Shepherd's alarm went off. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, made his lunch, and left for work.

6:00am Jason's work day started. He works all of 5 - 10 minutes from our house.
            +Liam Shepherd's alarm went off. If he was well rested, he would lounge in bed and read or work on his American School homework. He has a cold and didn't sleep well last night though, so he just rolled over and went back to sleep.

7:00am Liam and my alarms go off. This time, Liam gets up and starts getting dressed.

7:10am I wander downstairs and make sure Liam is up and moving. He's usually in the shower or getting dressed by now. Sometimes he falls back to sleep though, and I'm his safety net. Liam grabs a bite to eat (usually an egg and something carby like toast, a frozen waffle, a banana, etc), and heads to the local Public School.

8:00am Liam's Algebra I class is starting. He tries to get to school early (sometimes as early as 7:30am) though, so he can hang out and talk with his teachers and the other staff, and say a quick "hi" to some of the other students.
            I wake Cora up. She always whines, but the past few months she's actually started getting moving after only one wake up call. She moves slowly, getting dressed, feeding the cats, cleaning the litter box, brushing her teeth and doing something with her hair. She's really into her hair. Then, picking the perfect hat to pull over whatever hair style she just crafted.

9:00am Liam is home by now. Cora is ready to start her day. Liam is hungry again. He usually makes some eggs and english muffins for himself, his sister, and me. I make up what we call "Vitamin Juice" for us to drink with our breakfast. That's a nourishing infusion that is nutritionally similar to taking vitamins. Only, it doesn't upset our stomachs like pills, tastes yummy, and I can adjust it daily based on our habits and needs. I tend to drink it throughout the day. Everyone else has a cup at breakfast, and more if they are feeling run down during the day. After breakfast, Liam goes in his room and works on his Algebra homework. Cora goes in her room to work on whatever she's working on that day. She wrote a 35,000 word story and ate through Teaching Textbooks Pre-Algebra and Rosetta Stone's first level of Spanish recently. It's going to be a few months until we can purchase more Spanish, and she has asked that we enroll her in American School, too, instead of buying higher levels of curriculum for her. American School operates at a painfully slow pace, though, so it will be late January before she gets the materials for her first class. Until then, she creates digital art, practices singing with her favorite songs, knits, crochets, dresses up the cats, plays with her toys, and reads for fun.

10:00am Liam is back at the local Public School for P.E. He walks to and from each time, regardless of the weather. It's only 4 blocks from the house. Cora is out interacting with me again. Maybe helping with some chores, or asking for help on some project of her own.

11:00am Liam gets home from P.E. Jason has just gotten home because he has a half day on Fridays. He works 9hrs per day M-Th, and 4 on F. If Liam hasn't finished his Algebra, he does so. Then he works on the American School program. He brings out questions for me to help with, and quizzes for me to grade. At least once per week, he has an Exam too. These I don't have an answer book for. I look them over the best I can, and we discuss his answers. Then we scan it (in case it's lost in the mail or something) and he prepares it for mailing.

12:30pm Liam stands in the doorway of the dining room, holds his head, and declares, "ohhhh man.....I have brainfry." Then he walks to the kitchen while telling us (or the air, if no one is around), "I need something to eat." Cora stealthily appears in the kitchen about this time to either ask him to make her some lunch, too, or offer to make something for both of them. This week was special though. One of Liam's friends offered to buy him lunch. So, he rushed off to meet his friend. Since they were meeting at the library, Cora joined him. She had books to return, and check out. Plus she and Liam's friend enjoy hanging out, too.

1:00pm Liam's new mattress arrived. This was a belated Christmas gift that has just had one shipping issue after another (or should I say "suffered from being shipped via FedEx"). The latest estimate had said it would arrive the previous day, so we weren't completely blind sided. We brought it in, and were going to set it up in Liam's room. We opened the door to find that his definition of "Did an extra good job cleaning my room" meant trash, books, papers, and dirty laundry everywhere. Luckily, he was still goofing around at the library, so we called him back and asked him to clean and vacuum properly before we set up the new mattress. Cora came home along with him. She made herself a tuna salad sandwich (Jason just made up some tuna salad and put it in the fridge), some pickles, and an apple for lunch.

2:00pm Jason realized I hadn't had any lunch and dropped some microwaved left overs in front of me with instructions to eat. If he or one of the kids doesn't remind me, I won't remember to eat until dinner time, usually. I have "task initiation" weaknesses and would mostly live off of Vitamin Juice if others didn't interfere. Every other Friday, Liam has a standard appointment. He meets his friend at the library. They return books, check new ones out, goof around, then wander out into downtown to goof around some more until it's time to go to their Archery Club meeting. If one of them has some extra pocket cash, he buys lunch for them both. This week, his buddy had earned a Subway gift card for some achievement, so he bought.

2:30pm Cora started walking to the Archery Club meeting. It's about 6 blocks away, on the same street we live. She always has the option of being driven, but generally prefers walking.

3:30pm I started calling the kids. They're both supposed to call to let us know when they arrive somewhere, if they are going to leave, and if they run into problems on the way. Neither Jason or I had heard from either of them in an hour. Warm ups started at 3, and the meeting had just started. They had both been there since the doors were opened shortly before 3 and both forgot to call. They're both very apologetic. We were supportive and positive and don't harp on them or mention punishments on the phone, for fear one or both would become unmanageably upset at the meeting. Consequences can wait until later.

4:30pm The meeting is over. The kids called and asked if they could stay late to practice and hang out with their friends. We gave permission.

5:00pm The kids called to let us know they're coming home. We asked if they'd like a ride, and they both opted to walk. They were both being super respectful about keeping us informed. We decided that our brief earlier discussion seemed to have been enough correction. So, we let the matter go.

5:30pm The kids were home, and Jason and I were on our way out. It's date night for us. We reminded the kids that, other than the meat that's marinating, we have a whole kitchen full of food they can make for dinner. We expected them to eat something solid, not crackers or toast, for dinner.

6:00pm Jason and I had dinner at the local burger joint. There isn't really anything formal in town, and the food is better there than most of the family style restaurants available.

7:00pm Jason and I saw a movie together. I'll make a whole post about the movie theater another day. It deserves it's own post! There's only one moving playing in town, and only 3 showings per week. Friday is discount pricing, so we usually catch whatever is playing on Friday night- unless one or both of us has strong feelings against seeing that movie. This week it was Red Dawn. We were both really excited to see this one, because the original is a childhood favorite for us.

9:00pm Back home again. Cora took her evening shower while we were gone. The kids told us they had tuna salad sandwiches and about 1/2 lb of baby carrots for dinner. Could be worse. We gave them our leftover popcorn (we ALWAYS do this. I don't think I've gone to a movie without them without bringing home leftover popcorn for the kids since they were old enough to eat popcorn), and pop on an episode of Star Trek: Voyager (this will also get it's own post eventually. It's a "thing".) to watch as a family. Then, we sent the kids to bed.

9:30pm Cora was in bed reading The Hobbit. We have a rule about having to read the book before you're allowed to see the movie, and it's playing next week. Liam was saying his final round of good-nights and hugs before bed (he's a big hugger), and copped an attitude about some stupid thing or another. Before we know it, he and I were in an impassioned argument about him taking responsibility for his actions instead of trying to convince himself he isn't in control of his choices. Jason chipped in a little here and there, but mostly stays out of the spur of the moment things like this. He's an NT and can't quite keep track of where Liam and I are logically or emotionally when this happens, and doesn't want to aggravate things.

10:30pm We've resolved the issue, hugged it out, identified key problem behaviors Liam wants to work on, and determined a reasonable plan of action. He was exhausted and fell asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Jason and I cuddled up on the couch to watch some not-kid-friendly tv. All our favorite shows are still on hiatus so we ended up watching a couple episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We haven't watched it since it first aired and have forgotten so much it's almost like new, watching it again. We've been working through the series from the beginning when there's nothing else we like on tv.

11:30pm Jason went to bed. Most nights, we're in bed around 9ish, even with a little tv together. Fridays we can stay up as late as Jason can stay awake. He really had to fight to make it this late! I wasn't far behind him. First, I needed to make up tomorrow's Vitamin Juice, plus turn the heater down, check the locks, turn off lights, and make sure Cora is asleep or tell her it's time. She'll stay up all night reading, even though she's tired, if we don't help her remember to sleep. That messes up her sleep rhythm and has a ripple effect of negative symptoms and behaviors. She's really been making an effort though, and is usually asleep before I check on her.

What Do You Mean by "Unschool"?

Unschooling is probably one of the vaguest descriptions ever. By itself, it doesn't really mean anything. This is because every single person that has anything (good or bad) to say about unschooling has a very specific definition...that doesn't match up with anyone else's definition. I'm sure they'll all disagree with me and insist their definition is right, everyone else's is wrong, and I clearly have no idea what I'm talking about. More power to them.

Unschooling can mean anything from "I let my children help pick their curriculum" to "I think it's offensive and demeaning to ever correct, guide, or in any way parent my child".

I usually use the term "homeschooling" unless I'm dealing with other homeschoolers. Then describe us as "unschool-y" because they undoubtedly have a strict idea of what unschooling is, and we most likely don't meet their criteria.

A better term for what we do would be "Child-led Learning" but people just clarify by saying "you mean unschooling?" when I use it. Being stubborn about my language is something people really tend to hate, so this is an area I kind of translate myself.

So what do I mean by Child-led Learning? I mean the children are essentially responsible for and in control of their educations. I'm still their parent. I still nag them to clean their rooms and do their chores. I don't decide what they are capable of or interested in and then expect them to comply, though. We've moved a lot over the years. When we lived in very permissive states, that meant they were free to study what they wanted, when they wanted, or not to study at all. Because they were never pressured to learn what someone else wanted them to, they never learned to be resistant to knowledge. If they wanted to spend all day trying to dig to China, so be it. When +Liam Shepherd decided he wanted to read and work out of my college statistics textbook at age 7, so be it. He worked 3 chapters with 100% accuracy before tiring of the subject and focusing his attention on the culinary arts instead.

When we lived in areas with fewer freedoms, we handled things differently. Even when they were very young, I would sit down with the kids and explain the laws of the land. We would discuss, together, how they wanted to go about abiding with those laws. That could mean as much as annual testing and choosing curriculum for a variety of subjects. I know a lot of unschoolers just do what they want and try to evade detection, but that doesn't align with my personal sense of morality. As such, it's not a behavior I want to teach my children.

Now, we're back to a fairly permissive state. The kids can basically spend their days outside playing if they'd like, so long as they don't test incredibly dramatically low on standardized tests every few years. That's not what they want, though. The local high school offered to let Liam attend part time and he accepted. So, he's enrolled as a Freshman for Algebra I and P.E. He has enjoyed the academic discussions with his teachers, but finds all the disruptive and immature demonstrations by the students to make 2 classes per day his limit. A couple months ago, he asked us to enroll him in American School of Correspondence. Cora mostly plays with the cat and knits or crochets scarves right now, when she's not reading Shakespeare or something. I suppose I could have just entered that last sentence instead of this whole long thing. It sums up what I mean by "unschooling" quite well all by itself.